Satisfaction

I still don't understand my internal set of values and things that allow me to feel satisfaction. I think accomplishing certain things should make me feel good and sometimes they don't. Sometimes I do things that I feel are unimportant or insignificant and feel great satisfaction after completing them. It's strange.

I was super impressed with the help the boy provided this weekend. I had a huge list of chores that needed done, from cleaning, to phone calls, to errands run and everyone was extremely helpful in getting them done. The boy himself personally oversaw the cleaning of the bathroom and vacuuming. I again was very thankful and I've conveyed to him several times now how much that meant to me. I hope he gets my feeling and it helps him build on it and grow into a better person. I do wonder why most of my satisfaction comes from chore related tasks. I think I have my mother to thank for that.

Also I don't really like barking commands to be followed out to my wife. I like to bring them up in regular conversation at earlier points and be like 'Hey we're going to need to do this soon. I'll need you to do this.' Sometimes we reach the point where I can't continue until she comes through though so sometimes I do have to say to her 'Hey, get up, let's go with this'. What is absolutely wonderful about her is even if she not in the mood she is smart enough to realize the advantages of taking a few minutes of her day and getting up and getting things done. It's not like I'm trying to inconvenience anyone or that I'm asking some back-breaking, effort-intensive activity that benefits no one and I'm asking simply to irritate her. If you put a halt to what I'm doing here I may become cranky and who knows when I'll work up the gumption to get on this kind of a roll again. She realizes that helping me out really helps our whole family out and damn, after what I've been through in the past this is indescribably beautiful to me. I love that woman so much again I don't know if whenever I feel these waves of emotional thankfulness and I try to convey that to her if I could ever possibly come across in a way that she can understand. I love talking to my wife. She is my best friend. Most of the time I get the feeling that she listens to me and cares what I say and think. That is a good feeling. She shares my concerns. We are in this together. Sure some times I talk about stupid stuff that doesn't matter but even then she still half-listens. I can't really remember connecting like this with someone in the past.

I guess I'm just trying to say I love my wife, I love my son, I love my family and I am super lucky to have them. I am trying my best to be the best for them. Doing so makes me feel good.